What’s going on in the world of Glitz and Galm?
IT’S BRITNEY, BITCH.
So her last few eras left a little to be desired, sure, but still, we can’t help but be a little excited at the prospect of new material! She’s currently in the studio with producer extraordinaire BURNS (best known for his work with Michael Jackson and, erm, the Pussycat Dolls), working on tracks for her ninth album. Ninth! How the time has flown! No word on whether or not her flop single from last year, Pretty Girls, will make it on there though.
IGGY DRAMA
Speaking of the Pretty Girls single, Brit-Brit’s collaborator, Iggy Azalea isn’t having the best start to 2016. Besides the Macklemore diss (see the barometer!) it appears the Aussie rapper has fallen out of favour with her UK label EMI after her buzz track, Azillion, tanked. Which was bound to happen, without a music video. 7teen, the supposed first proper single from Digital Distortion, still hasn’t fully seen the day of light, so one wonders if Iggy Iggs isn’t being mismanaged…
HE’S FINALLY BACK!
Zayn Malik, the first member of One Direction to go it alone, has finally dropped his debut solo single, Pillowtalk. It’s a grower, not a show-er, so keep an open mind when listening to it! I’m sure it’ll sell like hotcakes before anyone even listens to it!
SPEAKING OF WHICH…
Rumours still persist that the One Direction hiatus is actually a permanent break. I guess we won’t really, truly, know for sure ’til they’re due back in 2017… I hate to say it, but I feel like a lot of kids are going to have to pull on their big girls pants for this one…
CELINE WILL GO ON
Canadian superstar Celine Dion has vowed to continue her career after the death of her husband/manager René Angélil from cancer last month. Heartbreakingly, her older brother ALSO died of cancer – just two days after her husband. What a terrible time for her and her young family (the couple had three young children) to be going through.
SWISH? SWISH!
Kanye West is preparing to drop Swish, the greatest album of all time (his words, not mine!) on February 11. The modest rapper recently revealed the set tracklist online for some reason… But hey, who are WE to question his genius?! I mean, he got to where he is for a reason!
NICKI, NICKI
Talk about keeping busy! Iggy’s arch enemy Nicki Minaj is working on a television project loosely based on her life. She most recently appeared on TV alongside The Weeknd (the Marge Simpson of R N’ B), who performed his killer new single The Hills on Saturday Night Live. Get that coin, Nicki! In unrelated news, it’s been reported that Nicki recently underwent surgery to turn her brown eyes permanently blue, just like T.I.’s wife Tiny who flew to South Africa last year to have the procedure done.
FERGIE FERG
The Black Eyed Peas frontwoman is giving solo stardom another shot, after last year’s abysmal L.A. Love single – which lead the girl absolutely NOWHERE. Since her first solo album was a huge smash, expectations are pretty big for this new era, kicking off next month. I’m here for it, but only just.
J-LO BUTTGATE
Fans in Las Vegas got more than they bargained for during a Jennifer Lopez show recently: she bent over and split her pants, leaving very little to the imagination! What does this really have to do with anything? Nothing at all! Besides, it’s not like she has anything to be ashamed of!
JUSTIN BEIBER FOR THE WIN
Just when we thought he was all washed up, Justin surprises us with an entire string of smash hit singles. The last six months have been amongst the biggest and best of his career. Now, if only he didn’t seem so bored during his live performances, I could fully get on board! Justin has just been announced as one of the guest performers at this year’s Grammys, so it’ll be interesting to see how he does!
AUSTRALIA’S GOT TALENT
Surely not as terrible a prospect as another season of the X Factor, Australia’s Got Talent has at least got Kelly Osborne and Dicko going for it! The contestants are almost besides the point!
POPPED! CLUB NIGHT CONFIRMED
Yes, you read that right, Popped! will be taking over the Eureka Hotel on the first Friday of every month for a series of parties, kicking off on the 4th of March. The first party, POPPED! GOES PURE POP, brings you insane tracks from the biggest names in pop. From One Direction to Robbie Williams, Rihanna to Gaga- you’d be crazy to miss it. Forget Mardi Gras, this is going to be WAY more fun!
Popped Barometer!
HOT
Geelong nightlife.
Get POPPED! in person, on the first Friday of every month at the Eureka Hotel! All your favourites like you’ve never heard them before! Too outrageous for words! Am I excited? What do YOU reckon?!
Empire Season 2.
Cookie Lyons is BACK, y’all. Sure, the rest of the cast is back too – but don’t play. We all know who we’re tuning in to see! Like I always say, “No Cookie, no Empire.” Slay, Taraji, slay.
Bette Midler.
Our diva, headed for Broadway? Yassss, hunni! HELLO DOLLY opens in 2017, and if reports are to be believed, Bette will be raking in a cool $150k a week! Book your flights and accommodation NOW.
Mariah Carey nuptials.
Can you believe it? Mimi officially engaged to Aussie billionaire James Packer! She’s now sporting a rock worth around four million dollars on her finger. My advice? Stay away from the garbage disposal!
NOT
Taylor Swift’s newie.
Tay-Tay strikes out with Out of the Woods. Why release one of the worst songs on your blockbuster of an album as a single instead of discretely pulling the plug on a near-stellar era? Oh well!
Macklemore hypocrisy.
Really? Calling Iggy and Miley out for cultural appropriation on your new track, White Privilege 2? Have you looked in a mirror lately? Newsflash! You’re a white guy making black music! Have yourself a seat.
Rihanna ANTI confusion.
So, girlfriend, is the album finished or not? Teasing your followers on social media with pictures of yourself wearing headphones is too cryptic for my liking: just tell us already!
Our economy.
Affecting the likelihood of many big international artists touring down under any time soon. Let’s see if they’ll actually do it for the love, not just the money…
Written by Christopher Cruz