Too Heavy To Hug #616

Welcome to THTH, Forte’s premier source of all things heavy, hard, fast and metal. What a month of celebrating THTH’s milestone it has been! If I told you what my June, 2015 was like you wouldn’t even believe it so I won’t.
Somehow, a long time ago someone wrote a memo to all music writers that said something along the lines of, “Hence forth thee metal music scribes, thee shalt take Queen under thou wing and scribe about them as they are metal.” I know this memo was circulated because I read shit and it seems to me that the metal press covers stuff Queen does. And, the metal press covers beer so when the two converge in the one, well, it’s a gift from God.
Queen will be releasing Queen Bohemian Lager to celebrate the 40th anniversary of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. The lager will be brewed in the Czech Republic, the very country that Bohemia is a part of as a fitting tribute to hippies and alcoholics alike.
To add irony to drinking, if you’ve ever been to a house party where beer was present and music was playing and people were drinking the beer that was present, then you’d have come across the all in drunken wailing to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, complete with synchronised low murmuring during the bits no one is really sure what is sung and triumphant singing with stubbies in the air to the bits everyone knows.
Queen now join the long and prestigious list of bands who have put their names to beer labels including Motorhead, ACDC, Kiss, um, there’s more but you get the picture. And what good would a couple of hundred words about a beer and Queen be without a joke about you know who? Right. Yeah, him, so why did Brian May ever think it was a good idea to have hair that made him look like he put his fork in a power point then have someone attack his hair with the very same fork?
In other news
Lamb Of God will release their seventh studio album VII: Sturm Und Drang in July.
Cradle Of Filth will release their new studio album Hammer Of The Witches on Friday July 10.
Baptiss will play Melbourne’s Howler on Friday July 17 and The Eastern in Ballarat on Saturday August 1.
Graveyard Rockstars will be at Yah Yah’s on Saturday July 18.
Counterparts will release their new album Tragedy Will Find Us on Friday July 24.
Orpheus Omega will play The Barwon Club on Thursday July 30, The Corner on Friday July 31 and an all ages show at Musicland on Sunday August 9.
King Parrot will be at The Barwon Club on Thursday August 13 and Ballarat’s Karova Lounge on Saturday August 15.
Bullet For My Valentine will release their new album Venom on Friday August 14.
Ghost will release their third album Meliora on Friday August 21.
Grave Pleasures (ex Beastmilk) will release their new album Dreamcrash on Friday September 4.
Devin Townsend Project and Periphery will be at 170 Russell on Sunday October 25.
Nightwish will play only one show per capital city on their Endless Forms Most Beautiful Tour 2016 and the Melbourne show will be at The Forum Theatre on Monday January 11.
If you have any news about local metal bands, shows or albums, let THTH know by emailing to [email protected] or get in touch via Twitter at @TooHeavyToHug
Written by Paul S Taylor