Too Heavy to Hug [#603]
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Too Heavy to Hug [#603]

Welcome to THTH, Forte’s premier source of all things heavy, hard, fast and metal.
In case you missed it, the third round of Soundwave 2015 bands was announced and included the likes of King Parrot, Exodus and Steel Panther. Also included on that line-up is The Smashing Pumpkins. That’s right, that very same band who wrote ‘1979’, which gets played on Gold 104 (I think), that very same band who’s fronted by a vocalist who whinges and whines over the rest of the band’s super simple, super boring instrument practice sessions they call music.
Kids these days are lucky they didn’t have to live through the Pumpkins’ “popular” period. Kids these days are lucky because chances are they didn’t have to watch Billy whinge and whine in video clips on the rage top 50 or Video Hits. And besides, I thought the Smashing Pumpkins broke up? It’s something I remember knowing, or dreaming, or the dream that came true, because that would then mean they can’t inflict their “songs” on the world again. Kids these days are lucky if they’re into punk or alternative or pop and they want to look back at the great bands of those genres for inspiration then there’s f*ck all chance they’ll even stumble across the supremely uninspiring Pumpkins. Sure, they were on The Simpsons, but who hasn’t been on The Simpsons? Being on The Simpsons doesn’t mean anything anymore … and I don’t think kids these days even watch The Simpsons.
But here’s the insulting thing: I think festival promoters know they can’t announce the Smashing Pumpkins in the first or second round of line-up announcements because announcing them then would mean a drastic halt in ticket sales. I mean, put the Smashing Pumpkins on a bill with other bands, any other band at all, and you’ll see a ticket sale of about three – that’s a ticket for each of the band member’s partner to attend, but not Billy Corgan’s because he has no partner and no one likes him.
So, with that valuable knowledge, festival promoters will announce bands as usual, then, when all the tickets are sold, they do a third round announcement that includes the Smashing Pumpkins! The thing is no one would knowingly pay to see the Smashing Pumpkins live so they’re thrust upon festival-goers the world-over, always in the third announcement, always after the tickets are sold. But don’t worry, kids and festival-goers alike, at least they’re not a surprise support for a Sidewave show for your favourite band … yet.
In other news…
Metallica will be re-releasing Kill ’Em All and Ride the Lightning in remastered deluxe versions this year.
Marduk, with special guests Inquisition, will tear the Northcote Social Club to shreds on Wednesday, January 14.
Marilyn Manson will release The Pale Emperor on Friday, January 16.
The 2015 Melbourne Soundwave festival will be held at Flemington Racecourse on Saturday, February 21 and Sunday, February 22.
Soundgarden will play Festival Hall on Tuesday, February 24.
All That Remains will release their new album, The Order of Things, on Friday, February 27.
Psycroptic will release their sixth album, Echoes to Come, in March.
Cancer Bats will release their fifth studio album, Zero, on Friday, March 13.
Mastodon will play Festival Hall on Friday, March 27.
If you have any news about local metal bands, shows or albums, let THTH know by emailing to tooheavytohug@hotmail.com or get in touch via Twitter at @TooHeavyToHug
By Paul S Taylor