Too Heavy To Hug [#583]
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Too Heavy To Hug [#583]

Welcome to THTH, Forte’s premier source of all things heavy, hard, fast and metal.
Twelve Foot Ninja (TFN) has been somewhat of a case study for THTH of late. There was that time they crowdsourced a bunch of money for a video clip; then there was that time they released that video clip – both instances put under the microscope, loosely, as the new technological fashion to gain fans, respect and ultimately tours or cold hard cash.
Now, TFN have been nominated for a Revolver Golden God award for Best New Talent. They’re up against Deafheaven, Scar the Martyr, Crosses, Heaven’s Basement and Issues (Issues being a band name, not a Korn album, I presume). Looking at that list it’s kinda hard to predict who the winner will be because, well, I’ve only heard half of them.
Scar the Martyr will be favourites because of the Joey Jordison factor, but Deafheaven could swoop in and take the gong because for all of last year they went pretty much unmentioned until it came time for everyone to cobble their Top 5’s of 2013 and to everyone’s surprise, Deafheaven made those lists – probably because some kid at Pitchfork heard it once by chance while on acid then couldn’t get it out of his head on the come down so figured it was a pretty sweet album. Well, it wasn’t; it was boring as bat shit. But no, everyone else who deep down wanted to be as hipster as that very hipster kid gone done put Deafheaven in their lists too. I don’t know if that’s the case or not but hey, why let the truth get in the way of a good rant?!
As for Crosses, Heaven’s Basement and Issues, I’m not even going to give either band a Google hit by searching them until I get one of their albums sent to me like in the olden days – which actually aren’t that olden but that’s how it was done. We’d receive physical CDs with physical press releases and we’d take those physical CDs home and play them on physical CDs players while holding the physical press release and reading it while listening to the physical CD play. Again, I haven’t actually looked to see if we here at Forte have received albums from said bands, but why let rummaging through piles of CDs get in the way of a good rant?!
The Golden Gods have also been put under the same loose microscope by THTH due to it just being a popularity contest voted for by emo teens in their mom’s basement. You too can jump on board and vote for TFN via golden gods 2014 dot com before Friday, April 4. The Golden Gods awards show will be held in Los Angeles on April 23. Fingers crossed it’ll be broadcast via Microsoft’s Xbox servers again for us all to watch.
Lastly, as you may have heard, Gwar frontman and founder Dave Brockie, aka Oderus Urungus, passed away at the age of 50. RIP.
In other news…
Killswitch Engage will play the Palace on Sunday, April 13.
If you have any news about local metal bands, shows or albums, let THTH know by emailing to tooheavytohug@hotmail.com or get in touch via Twitter at @TooHeavyToHug
Written by Paul S Taylor