The issue with the romantic mixtape
13.02.2020

The issue with the romantic mixtape

WORDS BY LEE STAMPS

Music is deceptive.

Why don’t we make mixed tapes anymore? With one finger on play and one finger on record, you would illegally capture that one song for that special someone. Totes cute, right?

It was a thoughtful (insert cheap) way to tell that hot guy you had the feels for him. You could express how you really feel about that girl you’ve been crushing on, using someone else’s more eloquently written words. Not spluttering “I fink youse speshell” after one too many Midori Illusion shakers.

I think I worked out why we don’t do it anymore. I mean, an “I made you this Spotify playlist, but it’s not premium so you can’t skip the ads” is def not romantic.

Music is deceptive. They have underlying meanings or aren’t about what you think they are about. Like this.

Bruno Mars – “Marry You”
Bruno is one sexy Hawaiian man with a voice that makes your bits melt. But the song is about a hasty shotgun wedding that’s described as “something dumb to do” after one too many mojitos. It’s not the right song to declare a lifetime commitment.

Bon Iver – “Skinny Love”
Shut. The. Front. Door. This is a break-up song. A seriously rough breakup. “I tell my love to wreck it all / Cut out all the ropes and let me fall”. Don’t tell them it’s over before it began. You don’t want to give them trust issues.

James Blunt – “You’re Beautiful”
Old mate Blunty has publicly admitted his first ever single is far from romantic. He once told HuffPost “It’s about a guy who’s high as a f—– kite on drugs in the subway stalking someone else’s girlfriend when that guy is there in front of him and he should be locked up or put in prison for being some kind of perv.” Don’t be that creep.

Dido – “Here With Me”
Ummm, awks. It’s about waking up after a heavy night of drinking and sexy time and finding out that your one-night stand has cleared off without leaving a number. Like Sam Smith “Stay With Me”, don’t be that stage 5 clinger after one hot night of bumping uglies.

The Lumineers – “Ho Hey”
Think about this the next time you sing “I belong with you, you belong with me, you’re my sweetheart”. The song is about jealousy. I have liked all your IG photos and know where you meet your best for coffee on a Sunday so I can ‘randomly” bump into you creepy. ‘Ho Hey’, more like ‘UmmmK stay away’.

Taylor Swift “You Belong To Me”
Not cool Tay Tay, not cool. She is declaring herself the only one qualified to be her best guy friend’s sweetheart. Even though he already has a girlfriend. She is moving in on someone else’s relationship. Do you want to sound like a homewrecker? The answer is no.

So, what song can you put on a mixtape? Ginuwine “Pony”. The message is obvious. No confusion here.

Stampsy is compiling her mixtape on the socials IG @lee_stamps and FB StampsyKROCK