Stamp Out And About: Phoning In Back To The Future

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Stamp Out And About: Phoning In Back To The Future

I’m currently living in 1998.

My android is residing with “Hi My Name Is Josh” at my local mobile phone provider at Westfield Geelong. Just like my Sunday morning, the camera’s permanently out of focus. So while the warranty minions scroll through my search history and discover my love for yoga positions and Celebs On Sandwiches, I’m stuck with this time machine – the loan phone.

It has a key pad! Every letter is a reminder of how tedious life was in the early 2000’s. It takes me five minutes to reply to a text. Press 4 twice for “H”, wait until the curser moves across then hit 4 again three times on the key pad for “I”. SEE WHAT I MEAN! I typed the previous line faster than that SMS.

There’s no internet at my fingertips. There’s no google maps. We had a BBQ at my boss’s place over the weekend and I had to **gasp** ring for directions. I had to pay attention to the street signs and count the number of streets. I was pissed. That cut into my moment singing the part of Halsey in The Chainsmokers ‘Closer’.

The screen’s the same double glaze glass they use on the President’s Cadillac. I don’t need a case because the frame is indestructible. I think it’s made out of cockroaches. If we have a nuclear explosion on Grovedale, my loan phone will survive.

But in a sadistic way, I’m really enjoying the experience.

The battery life is lasting longer than my last three relationships. I charged it four days ago and it’s still sitting on 50%. I’m more engaged in conversations because I’m not constantly looking down at my phone to check email alerts and Instagram updates. I’m not scrolling on Facebook, Twitter and Bumble for work purposes. Yes. Dating Apps are research. At least that’s what I’m telling my tax accountant. And I see more of the world around me. Like the man kicking an ATM on Pako Street out of frustration because he couldn’t see the screen from sun glare. Hilarious!

I’m now trusting my ability to problem solve without the aid of a smart phone. I can find an address, though I’m now doing a few blockies to get there. It’s all about the journey, right? I call instead of leaving a Facebook message. I don’t focus on time; I focus on people. And damn, I actually slept better. I didn’t spend my evening swimming in blue light re-watching every Carpool Karaoke.

By the time this goes to print I’ll have my android home. I’ll definitely reassess how much my phone distracts me from seeing the world around me. I plan to have phone free days and time outs on social media to recharge the mind.

But I’m so thankful to have a touchscreen back. Ain’t nobody got time for a keypad.

Stampsy does her thing on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @only1stampsy

Stampsy is the Music Director and Drive Announcer at K Rock in Geelong