Bad news, everybody, shape-changing witch Mother Malkin (Julianne Moore) has escaped her medieval mountaintop prison, thanks to a once-in-a-century “blood moon” (don’t ask, it’s never explained) that super-charges her evil powers.
As she once again gathers her dark forces in preparation to… well, that’s never really explained either, Master Gregory (Jeff Bridges), the aging “spook” who imprisoned her, needs to find a seventh son of a seventh son to become his new apprentice. Tom Ward (Ben Barnes) fits the bill (he even gets bonus visions of the future), but will there be enough time to train him before Malkin lays waste to the land?
Originally set for an early 2013 release but bumped back due to money issues (and not because it’s not all that great, obviously), this mix of supernatural hokum and 3D effects would feel old-fashioned even without the faux-medieval setting. Barnes is as wooden as the stakes used to dispose of witches, but Moore has fun as an evil witch (don’t worry, there are good witches too – it’s more of a genetic inheritance than a skill set), while a marble-mouthed Bridges is too busy mumbling to chew too much of the scenery. The disjointed story hints at editorial meddling, but a fast pace and moderately effective action sequences keep things at least passably entertaining, even if nothing makes all that much sense. But when you’ve got bad guys that can turn into monsters, what more do you need?