I wouldn’t turn to a pregnant woman and say “Oh, you’ll change your mind one day and decide you don’t want kids”…. So why do you feel the need to tell me I WILL want kids one day? Just because we’re biologically built for it, and our mum did it, doesn’t mean we all want to. Or have to.
I don’t btw.
I LOVE kids. I’m sooooo on their level; I adore their imaginative minds and their squishy faces. I’m the Aunty everyone wants and that my nephews Josh, Cooper and Roman are constantly taking advantage of. Trampoline park? Sure. And a frozen drink? Ok. With chicken nuggets? Don’t tell your mother!
But I’ve never had a maternal instinct.
When I was four years old I turned to my mum and proclaimed, “I’m not having kids”. I then went back to brushing my Cabbage Patch doll’s hair. Her name was Annie and she had red hair and freckles waaaaaaaay before Ed Sheeran made it famous.
I continued with my kid free stance into Year 9 biology. We were watching the horror film “The Miracle of Birth” (FYI – this documentary is a form of torture AND contraception). While the graphic images were burned into our retinas for all eternity, other boys and girls in the class were not discouraged. Once the video (it was the 90’s) finished, my friends excitedly revealed they would have two, three, four kids! Meanwhile, I was rocking back and forth under the bench with the built in Bunsen Burner tripod, mentally dissecting the analogy of what happens to your lady bits during child birth… “It’s like a watermelon exiting an orange”.
You might call this selfish; having children is also selfish. You are choosing to bring someone into this world for your wants and needs. You want a little you to love, cherish and complete your family unit. Someone to spew on you, pee on you and tell you they hate you when you grounded them for sneaking out of the house.
“But you’re great with kids. You’ll make a great mum one day”… No I won’t. A parent needs to be wholeheartedly invested. My heart is not in it. That is not fair on me and that is not fair on my unfertilised eggs. Therefore, that is the most selfless thing I can do.
I’m not pointing fingers, I’m not telling you off. I’m just tired of people making assumptions. I’m getting older but there is no clock counting down; time is not running out. I haven’t hit snooze. I just have different priorities to you.
I want to travel, I want to love and nurture my nephews, I want to build a long and rewarding career in the media and I want to invest in a relationship on a deep level… that is important to me. After 30 years, I still stand by my decision. Finding the “right guy” won’t change my mind, and if they try to, then they’re not the man for me.
Please don’t question my life choices. You don’t need to understand it; you just need to be supportive and acknowledge that my decision is valid. I have the right to live child free just like you have the right to spawn a watermelon… child, I meant child.
Stampsy’s on the socials – StampsyKROCK on Facebook, lee_stamps on Instagram.
Stampsy is the Music Director and Drive Announcer at K Rock in Geelong