Geelong’s Kim Cooper shares some advice for singles struggling with their time alone.
Forte crew!
This one is for those fellow single readers out there.
If Iso is bringing up all the feels and you’ve found spending so much time alone a little difficult I want to pass on some advice that might help as you take on the rest of your time left as a resident of Single Town. (Side note, it doesn’t have to be a lonely town that feels like there is a population of one. There are actually heaps of us living here and sometimes, it can be a pretty awesome place to be!)
Anyways, I digress. Back to my point.
Not long ago, I read an AMAZING blog by Stacy June via her project Single Pringle (if you haven’t checked it out on insta and you’re single, do it!!). She spoke about a girlfriend of hers who recently went through a break up and was consumed by the entire experience. Stacey invited her to a BBQ and instead of enjoying herself, her friend spent the whole time being sad about her quite recent ex and eventually left to go to see him. (Surprise, surprise, it didn’t end well. After all, they are ex’s for a reason, right?)
This poor girl was with a bunch of people who loved her, however, she was completely unable to recognise that love because she was so obsessed with the fact she wasn’t getting love from the one place/person she wanted it.
Don’t. Be. This. Girl…. like. Ever.
As someone who has been predominately single for the last 10 years, one of the things I had to do whilst my friends were all getting engaged and married was learn to recognise the amount of love I had in my life that was amazingly fulfilling, even though it wasn’t romantic.
For example, I have a few amazing select friends who call me often just to “check in” and share random life updates. I have the capacity for these calls so often because I don’t have another significant other to keep track of.
I have niece and nephew who worship the ground “Aunty Kim” walks on because of the time I can spend with them due to the fact I’m not married with my own kids (I’m currently homeschooling my niece 4 days a week and it’s one of the best times of my life. Thank you single life!)
I have two mother figures who are there for me in the most beautiful, unconditional way.
I have an unusual amount of VERY close girlfriends who would literally hide a dead body for me, and I believe I only have this many relationships at this level of closeness because I haven’t had to give my energy to a romantic parter so my capacity to upkeep many deep friendships is unusually high.
But I have to be honest, I’m no super woman, nor am I immune to feeling that sting of loneliness when everyone leaves after dinner with the girls to head home to cuddle with their partner, or play with their little ones. So sometimes I do I have to strategically value this “non romantic” type of love I have in my life or else I too can fall victim to feeling feel empty or without. When the truth is, I am actually neither of those things.
My life is full of love, laughter, support and friendship. I am not without love just because I am currently without romantic love. I have a life brimming over with it, if only I choose to recognise it. And I bet you do too.
Also, if you’re under the misguided impression that a person can’t feel lonely in a relationship or marriage, you couldn’t be more wrong. I’ve always felt that I’d rather be lonely and single, living my best life, than lonely stuck in a bad relationship. Period. No question about it.
So Forté friends, if you’re single PLEASE do not fail to recognise the amazing amounts of love you have in your life right now. Because if you do, you’re only cheating yourself out of soaking up all your life has to offer you, like amazingly deep friendships, special family moments and epic adventures only a prolonged time spent in Single Town can bring.
Sending you my love as always,
Kim xx
Kim Cooper is a local singer in the Geelong region and the primary carer for her dad. You can follow Kim’s journey via Instagram.
