27 things only drunk people can get away with
16.09.2020

27 things only drunk people can get away with

Photo from The Hangover

Remember going to clubs?

While bars in regional Victoria have returned, and man is it good, it’s still been six months since we have been able to step foot in our favourite clubs, throwback multiple Mario Karts, and dance to Mr Brightside as it came on for the 14th time in one night… and it’s really starting to hurt.

Currently, there are two-hour limits when it comes to hitting up the bar scene, and while we are super appreciative, it really does make us look back at the clubbing scene with rose-coloured glasses, reminiscing on live music, getting sweaty on the dance floor and having the option of been out literally ALL NIGHT, or alternatively, the ability to sit in a beer garden all day and consume copious amounts of alcohol. And with these times, comes opportunities to be mobile with that unique kind of courage booze grants us.

In honour of Geelong’s nightlife for which we so deeply miss, we spent the day reminiscing about all the things you can only get away with when you’re drunk. And yes, it’s not the most glamorous excuse nor is it inventive, especially for those of us pushing past 30, but to hell with it, we’re going to celebrate our weekend alter-egos.

Here’s a list of things you could totally get away with solely because you were drunk. Good times…

Bailing on a social obligation.
You’ve made plans to have dinner with your aunt but you’ve been sitting at Murphy’s rooftop all day getting blitzed in the sunshine. As long as you let them know, you can totally get away with this one. If you straight up just forgot, well that could go either way.

Not replying to someone
While many of us are notorious for not replying to text messages (guilty as charged), people are a bit more forgiving when you don’t reply to their message ‘Hey let’s catch up’ because your inebriated.

Posting WAY too many Instagram stories
We’re all just so excited when we’re fuelled with alcohol, and we think it’s a brilliant idea to share our entire night. If you’re sober and you do this, it’s just kind of annoying.

Or you post a blurry photo
Art? Nope, just booze.

Creating a disaster in the kitchen
Getting home in the AM and making your own food (accompanied by Jamie Oliver style narration) and then forgetting about it until you’re woken by your housemates with your pants around your ankles in a room full of smoke is only acceptable when you’re a couple wines deep. On a Tuesday night, they’re probably not going to be as forgiving.

Double-tapping an Insta post from 39 weeks ago
The best part is you won’t even remember doing it.

Surviving insane falls
This one’s not so much getting away with as it is cheating death, but for some weird reason when you’re drunk you could stumble down the Lambs stairs without even a scratch.

Texting/calling your ex
Sober You knows what they say: don’t drink and text.

Skipping the line to get into a venue
We’re not saying it’s a great thing, but sometimes you just really need to go to the bathroom – and you’re not proud of it! If you skip the line to buy your popcorn at the cinema though you’re just an asshole.

Kissing strangers on the dancefloor
Yeah…

Demanding the auxiliary cable in the Uber home
It’s a gift to the driver really. Do people do this when they catch an Uber during the day?

Buying ridiculous ‘essential items’ from Amazon
Could go either way really.

Drunk amazon shopping led to a nice surprise from r/drunk

Making best friends with people in the bathroom
And having serious heart-to-hearts, adding each other on Snapchat and telling them how hot they are, which leads us to…

Continuing conversation while actually peeing
It happens.

While we’re talking bathroom habits, going into the actual toilet stall with your pals
Speaking from experience, this happens and I’m not entirely sure why… but if we waltzed on into the cubicle while sober, I’m sure it would just be weird.

You tell people you love them, especially when you do not love them
Confessing your love to the waitress might be a little weird at brunch.

Photobombing
Classic.

Making plans you have no intention of keeping
It sounded fantastic at the time, but you were never going to do it.

Falling asleep during sex
Dare you to try this sober.

Falling asleep in a toilet or at the table
We like to call this one ‘social napping’.

Wearing your summer kit out in the middle of winter
Sober you wouldn’t last five seconds.

Shouting ‘Play Wonderwall’ or ‘Sing The Horses’ at the musos
Booze has a way of casting people in flattering, forgiving light.

You act like money is nothing
You’ve bought rounds of shots after shots at Beavs, you’ll shout the Uber… when sober people do this it could signal a problem.

Phantoming
Doesn’t exactly have the same effect while sober.

Calling and texting people at 3 in the morning
No matter what way you phrase it the next day, it was definitely a booty call.

Attempting a cartwheel or handstand
We’re all so confident in our abilities when drunk.

Disregarding what we’ve been taught and use the stairs how we please
It happens.

For more fun reads, check out 27 things every Geelong local has experienced.