19 small things that fill Geelong locals with senseless rage
08.09.2020

19 small things that fill Geelong locals with senseless rage

We miss getting pissed off by some of the little inconveniences of Geelong life.

There are no ifs or buts about it; we absolutely adore Geelong. We love exploring it, we love writing about it and we love talking about it. But despite our absolute devotion to G-town, there are a couple of things that fill us locals with tiny moments of irrational rage… and now that we’re stuck at home, we low-key kind of miss getting pissed off by the little, absurd inconveniences of Geelong life.

Tuck in, and we challenge you not to agree that at least one or two of these grind your gears…

Full disclosure, we’re aware bigger things are going on in the world right now – but sometimes it’s nice to just remember a time before it all got a bit wild.

The Floating Christmas Tree
Ah the infamous Christmas Tree, (and Darryn Lyons). You either love the giant tin tree lighting up the waterfront or you hate it (personally, we like it). Despite the amount of money it’s brought into the town, when some locals are reminded of how many dollars went into it the luminescent tree that sings your favourite Christmas carols, it fills them with white-hot rage.

Slow walkers in Westfield
Or Market Square, or Waurn Ponds Shopping Centre. Pick up the damn pace people, we’ve got places to be!

People outside of Geelong being disparaging of us for no reason
Ah there’s no greater fury than when we’re being considered lesser than for living in Geelong.
“So I live in Geelong –“
“Why?!” *scoffs unpleasantly*

When people don’t indicate left to go onto Townsend Road at the Boundary Road Roundabout
C’mon people. With five exits, indicators are an easy way to avoid been flipped the bird. The roundabout near Barrabool Road, Roberts Road and Mt Pleasant Road is another one that boils our blood.

People complaining about Geelong’s nightlife
The rage of others is in itself infuriating at times. Yes, there’s not as many bars or clubs as you’ll find in Melbourne or Sydney, but claiming we have no nightlife just proves you’ve never had a night dancing on the tables at Piano Bar, singing Karaoke at Beavs or hitting up the Lamby’s D-floor.

People referring to Geelong as ‘Sleepy Hollows’
This one’s just rude.

Geelong got coined this nickname back in the Gold Era and it’s probably the worst insult you can give our city. While we’ve mostly shaken it, there are still a few people (even locals) that like to throw it out there in an attempt to dampen our spirits… and as one of Australia’s fastest-growing centres, with development and prosperity coming to the city and region like never before, it really does make us kind of mad.

The Cats being good but just not good enough
This one’s a frustrating one for Geelong supporters. Since their last premierships in 2011, the Cats have lost four preliminary finals and they’re yet to make the grand final again.
Maybe this year will be their year.

Geelong supporters lack of road rules when a game’s on
Believe it or not, there’s actually a decent portion of Geelong residents who don’t follow the Cats, and when there is a Cats game on, there’s nothing like the rage of trying to get from A to B if Kardinia Park is in between. Their supporters walking on the way to games don’t obey pedestrian road rules and tend to just sprawl dangerously out across the main roads and thoroughfares, and will expect you – the car – to stop for them even if in direct defiance of usual road rules.

When groups of people walk in a line along the circular boardwalk at Eastern Beach
Super specific, we know. But seriously, break the formation peeps.

Not receiving the ‘courtesy wave’ on the road
We’ve all experienced it – the deep disappointment which hits when you go out of your way to help a fellow road user and receive nothing in return. No wave, no nod…zip, zilch, zero.

Geelong is full of narrow streets and when you take the time to let another car through or allow them to turn right in heavy traffic (e.g. Barwon Heads Road in the AM), receiving that little courtesy wave is all we ask… it just feels damn good to be appreciated and to show appreciation in return.

From the three fingers off the wheel wave, the relaxed out the window wave, the frantic “surely you can see me?” wave, the sheepish apology wave, the thumbs up, or even the damn one finger off the wheel wave, it’s not hard. We swear people who refuse to wave are just hellbent on winding people up.

The level crossing on McKillop Street heading towards Latrobe Terrace
Even though you know, deep down, what’s going to happen, now and then you decide to take the route down McKillop Street to get to Latrobe Terrace, only to be reminded of the painful rail crossing and red light that seems to last an eternity. Stuck here when there’s a green light in the mere distance in one of the single most infuriating things on Earth.

Speaking of, the lights of Latrobe terrace
Why is it they always seem to stay green for 1.5 seconds? WHY!?

The lack of affordable all-day parking in town (pre-COVID)
No, I don’t want to park in the Westfield carpark for $30000000 a day. There are some free-parking options at the likes of Eastern Park, but you have to be prepared to walk roughly 15-20 minutes into town even in the rainy, windy winter months.

When people call the faithful parmigiana a ‘parma’
It’s ‘Parmi’ here, not ‘Parma’. We get pretty fiery about this one… and we’re not really sure why.

The smell of the Barwon River in the warmer months
There is a horrifying smell that seems to take over the cherished Barwon River in the warmer months. Rivalling our worst nightmares, there’s nothing more infuriating than enjoying a nice stroll with your doggo and then being hit in the face with that foul smell.

Line cutters at Lambys
There is no greater sin than cutting that Lambys line. We’re all keen for a Mario Kart and a boogie to Mr Brightside…

When people spell it ‘Packo’
This is just a slap in the face to Pakington Street’s super trendy vibes. If you want to be seen sipping a juice, eating a pear infused, chia seed and guava, almond, berry, kale, yoghurt rice ball… Pako is where you head, not ‘packo’.

The one-way Queen’s Park Bridge
Ah the beautiful heritage-listed single-lane bridge. We love this bridge, and most of the time it’s a nice reminder of good old-fashioned road etiquette, where drivers are patient and let a few cars through and wait for the appropriate moment to cross.
However, it’s when inconsiderate road manners come into play and drivers decide they don’t need to give way that truly turns us into a seething monster. Not cool.

Coming to a halt when turning onto Torquay Road
Another tiny level of inconvenience caused by a fellow road user, but there’s an added lane people! There’s no doubt you’ve experienced it. As you embark on your venture to Torquay, or you’re heading out for dinner at the Grovey, there’s always that one car that misinterprets the added lane for a give way…

Ah Geelong, we bloody love ya!

For more fun content, check out our piece, 27 Things Every Geelong Local Has Experienced.