Summer time means hours spent in a beer garden. Here are some simple tips to follow to ensure you dominate this coming summer.
1. Get your rounds/shouts in order!
If you join a round you must assess whether those you are going in on the partnership with are trustworthy or not. Are they fickle? Will they leave when it’s their shout? There is nothing worse than shouting a round only to have your comrades leave prior to their turn, or have someone include their partner in half way who happens to drink pints of top shelf liqueur. Also jugs can cause problems, along with pints/pots, so get four people to agree on your drink and get a round going.
2. Always have your sunnies on
It’s self explanatory really, always wear your sun glasses or your eyes will ‘glare out’ half way through your second drink and people will think you’re hating their stories, when in fact your brow is farrowed due to the extreme rays flooding your eye balls.
3. Get the longest table available
Most venues will have at a least one long table, get there early and claim it. This will include maximum numbers of people in the banter, limiting the chances of getting stuck listening to one person’s relationship issues all day long!
4. Steer clear of the TAB and Pokies
You’ll be spending enough on drinks, so don’t get sucked in by the one mate claiming, ‘I have some hot tips’ attempting to lure you into the TAB area of the venue. You can rest assured he will be sitting on the end of the table depressed, refreshing his Sports Bet app hoping the money he just lost will magically reappear in his account.
5. Keep up the water at various intervals
Make sure you consume water throughout the day to avoid passing out on the dance floor when the cover band starts after dinner is done.
6. Have Jeans in the designated driver’s car
As much as you “know the bouncers” at every club in town, you’re not getting into the club in your board shorts.
7. Eat something
Time can very easily get away from you as the afternoon progresses, but you must stop and order from the bar menu. It will both enhance your performance as the sun sets and prevent you from acting like a tool, it will also limit your hangover.
8. Wear one of those floppy black Meredith festival hats
So you can look like every other super cool hipster in the beer garden and people will think you’re a festival goer
9. Don’t hit the shots before sundown
Most venues won’t let you anyway, but steer clear of the shots during the hotter parts of the day, it never improved anything or anyone. There is a place and a time for a shot with friends, the middle of the afternoon with the sun beating down after a few ciders around 2pm in arvo isn’t it.
10. Keep your shit together
Drinking in a beer garden usually means day drinking, which means you’re going to be under the weather by 9pm. This leads to people often acting like tools. The heat and dehydration from drinking mixed with a visit to town afterward can sometimes be a recipe for trouble, so keep your friends in check. An old adage we like to use at Forte is “dick head behaviour will attract dick heads”. So keep that in mind after a long day drinking in the sun.