Too Heavy To Hug [#586]

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Late last month with little to no fanfare the 2014 Revolver Golden Gods Awards were held in L.A. and telecast – or netcast – online. If you watched at home then you’d have witnessed the shambles where there were long awkward silences, the long cut to the feed, the terrible sound, the lengthy technical issues before Guns N’ Roses’ hour-long set, and when Joan Jett and Taylor Momsen were asked to perform their rendition of ‘I Hate Myself for Loving You’ for a second time straight after they finished. Considering Momsen screwed up her lines the first time, it appears giving her a second chance to rectify her performance wasn’t offered out of the kindness of the producers’ hearts but because shit wasn’t ready for the show to continue due to poor organisation. Also, Deep Purple beating Black Sabbath for ‘Comeback of the Year’, and possibly the biggest f*ck up of all: an incorrect identification of a recently passed musician during the in memoriam interlude (the screen suggested Warrant singer Jani Lane was in Motörhead).
But what of the awards?! I hear you scream. ‘Best Vocalist’ went to Josh Homme; ‘Best Live Band’ went to Rob Zombie; ‘Dimebag Darrell Best Guitarist’ went to Synyster Gates and Zacky Vengeance; ‘Album of the Year’ went to 13 by Black Sabbath; ‘Song of the Year’ went to Five Finger Death Punch; and the ‘Paul Gray Best Bassist Award’ went to Chris Kael from Five Finger Death Punch.
The award of note for our purposes was ‘Best New Talent’ which went to Twelve Foot Ninja. While they’re technically not a new talent in the definition of the word “new”, they are new to audiences who aren’t Australian, so that’s a bonus. I’ll be voting for Alchemist or Destroyer 666 for next year’s best new talent. Another small slither of a saving grace to the Golden Gods was Slayer’s surprise performance at the beginning. But yeah, it was all downhill from there.
After watching the Golden Gods, later that night I watched The Logies because I hate myself and I have no self-esteem and I couldn’t be bothered getting up from the couch to get a knife to slit my wrists so I figured watching The Logies would deliver me the same result. After surviving the Golden Gods and witnessing a low-budget, low-talent, deluded awards show which was pretty well spot-on in the organisation department, I felt even sadder that the perception within our metal community when it comes to events is ‘Who cares? All metal heads are drunk or stoned and don’t care about organisation at award shows as long as they see performances by bands that are cool. It’s not like any of them have jobs or houses or pets or girlfriends and they all live at home with their parents anyway’.
In other news…
Mastodon’s new single, High Road, is available now from iTunes.
Story of the Year will be at 170 Russell on Sunday, June 29.
Corrosion of Conformity and special guests Lo! will play 170 Russell on Sunday, July 20.
Veruca Salt will play The Corner on Friday, September 26.
Body Count will release their new album, Manslaughter, later this year.
If you have any news about local metal bands, shows or albums, let THTH know by emailing to [email protected] or get in touch via Twitter at @TooHeavyToHug
Written by  Paul S Taylor