A wise person once said “we can throw shapes together, but it doesn’t mean you’re in my circle”. OK, it’s from ‘You Don’t Know Me’ by Jax Jones. Not quite the Frida Kahlo of our generation, but they have a point.
My friend Jayde and I were on our way back from seeing Flume; still wired from his set. ‘To Lambys!’ we decided. We’d had a couple of drinks across the night and kicked on with a Mario Kart and more slick shapes before calling it a night.
Some old skool jam came on and we started channelling our inner Beyoncé. That’s when, let’s call him Flake (because he was all up in our grill) wedged himself between Jayde and I. There was no invitation. There was no eye contact. We smiled politely and shimmied to the right, away from Flake. We weren’t interested in grinding up against this flathead. It was just a girls’ night out.
The music was hot and the floor was packed. But despite our backs to Flake, he wedged himself again between Jayde and I. His “business” getting way too close to our “business”. Over the music we politely said, ‘No thanks, enjoy your night’, again moving to the right. This happened again. And again.
Our patience was thinning. Jayde was holding it together better than I was. When Flake came over again I lost it. I faced him, clearly pissed, and shouted, ‘We’re not interested, f*&k off!’ One of Flake’s mates then turns around, ‘Awhhh c’mon, he’s just trying to be nice and get to know you. Go on, dance with him. Give him a chance.’
Flake was clearly three times over his Mario Kart limit, but this is no excuse to annoying two women who had said NO on more than two occasions. The endorsement from Flake’s mate was not going to change our minds. We’d been pretty clear and polite at the start. We said no. When we began to really feel uncomfortable and annoyed we said no AGAIN.
How many nos should it take for Flake to get the message? How many nos should it take for his more sober friends to step in and tell him he’s had enough? If a woman did this to a guy, she’d be labelled either a) desperate or b) a slut. But when a guy does it to a woman, should she just accept it?
I’ve thought about the situation on and off over the last few months and I believe it’s a case of double standards. We should be able to head into town with our friends in our leather skirts and heels, enjoy the night and not be seen as a target. We shouldn’t have to alter our appearance or drop our standards because you can’t handle your liquor.
Stampsy is the Music Director and Drive Announcer at K Rock in Geelong.
Main image from the film Something Borrowed.