I can’t say the D word.
It makes me uncomfortable. My shirt feels tight around my neck. I turn the other way, changing the conversation. It’s a reason I’m still single. That, and I work too much.
I’m a sexual being. I’ve chased friends around Sexpo waving a giant dildo, claiming I will knight whoever bows before me. But I can’t bring myself to say this one word. Ok. I’ll spell it.
D. A. T. E.
Just the mention of this word raises the expectations placed on both people. I’m not “being a girl” and over thinking this. Well, I am but not for the reasons you’re thinking. It’s not about the sexiest outfit or who will pay, and it’s not about the good night kiss or the post dinner analysis with my besties.
When you give it THAT label, you’re changing the way each person interacts with the other. It becomes a first round job interview. You want to be the best person for the position of ‘potential girlfriend’ even if you know it’s not going past the first course – or first base.
“I have excellent references from my past three employers, my driver’s licence is current and I have my first aid certificate. I’m punctual, I’m competent with Word and Excel, and I have terrific hygiene.”
“I also received a high distinction in Year 12 Drama.” Ok, that’s obvious.
The above label instantly draws me out of my comfort zone. Without realising, you begin to break down every question you’re asked. You formulate your answers to sound attractive, you want to be appealing to the person sitting opposite you. It’s in our DNA. Fight or flight. You want to WIN.
Meanwhile, I need a WINE.
Your friends and family want the D. A. T. E. to go well. Again, high expectations. No one says “I hope your date tanks tonight and the guy has webbed feet and is a distant relation to Dan Bilzerian”. (Look him up… he’s a misogynistic tool).
I sat in the Hot Chicken Project one night with a guy who’d asked me out. Over hot tenders (not a euphemism), I noticed how intensely he was looking at me. He’s interested in me, he’s intrigued. As I sat there listening, I realised I was looking around the room. Did the rest of the diners realise what was going on?
If this was “catching up” it would be more relaxed. If this was “hanging out” we would be laughing freely. Instead, a D. A. T. E. makes you sit up straight and order the salad.
Can we bring back courting? The guy wants to accompany you to places, he’s already met the parents and you know he’s interested and has someone employed to tend to the stables. Ok, it’s ridiculous and I’m winding the clock back 200 years.
But I can say courting. I still can’t say the D word.
Stampsy does her thing on Twitter and Instagram @only1stampsy
Stampsy is the Music Director and Drive Announcer at K Rock in Geelong
