What's your score?
Whether you were born and bred in Corio, Highton or Belmont, or you’ve made the move to our great city for uni, there are 27 rites of passage everyone who calls themselves a Geelong local must experience or has had the pleasure of experiencing. Here they are…
1. You refer to Geelong as G-town, G-schlong or Geetroit.
It’s not Geelong, it’s Geetroit. “Where are you from?” Oh, just G-town.
2. Attended a cats home game
Whether you’re a seasoned Geelong supporter or not, it is almost pivotal to experience a Geelong home game down at the cattery.
3. Had all you can eat at Smorgys
Poseidon, his trident and Salty the Seal were present at all your family outings to the all you can eat smorgasbord party that was Smorgys. RIP Smorgys.
4. Attended the Geelong Show
When you were a wee teen, and your parents would drop you off at the showgrounds thinking you were innocent, not knowing that you were about to go on the Cha Cha completely inebriated.
5. Hit up Eureka, Lambys and Homehouse all in one night
We’ve all been there, there’s no denying it. The night starts off at Eureka (RIP); next thing you know you’re in the line at Lambys, and in the blink of an eye it’s 3am and the party must continue to Homehouse.
6. You’ve stayed at Lambys until those dreaded lights came on
Never Lamb alone as they say. A quiet Sunday night with a couple of wines at home turns into being 10 Mario Karts deep, smashing out Jessie’s Girl at Lambys until the light of death hits you in the face at close.
7. You own a pair of Ghanda trackies
They might be 5, 10 or 15 years old, but you’ll have a pair of iconic Ghanda trackies sitting in the back of your closet somewhere. Bonus points if there’s neon.
8. Late-night Kardinia Cafe runs
You might be intoxicated, you might not, but K-Caf has those late-night munchies sorted.
Hot tip: a large chips, cheese and gravy goes down just a treat after a Lambys sesh.
9. Made fun of the cars ripping skids at Limeburners
What is meant to be a place for boat launching, has been taken over by fully sick hoons doing burnouts and God knows what else. And you have been there at least once to have a look at the idiocy.
10. Taken a trip down the Great Ocean Road
You live 20 minutes away from Torquay, so it would be rude to not do a Great Ocean Road road trip at least once.
11. Had a date at Eastern Beach
You’ve taken, or you’ve thought of taking, your bae down to park at Eastern Beach for a ‘romantic’ first date, complete with ice cream.
12. Hit Kebab Spot after town
When you can’t be bothered catching a taxi to Kardinia Café, the next best thing is a lamb kebab from Kebab Spot after your huge night at every nightclub in town.
13. You’ve chucked a U-ey for Maccas in Newcomb
We all know the intersection. And when we see a car throwing down a U-turn you know it only means one thing: a Maccas feast is soon to be had.
14. You’ve been to the Airshow at least once
Your parents may have dragged you or you just might think planes are cool, but the Avalon Airshow is a must to be considered a true Geelong local.
15. Gotten sloshed at The Geelong Cup
Melbourne Cup’s less fancy, slightly drunker sister.
16. You were made to walk the Barwon River in school
You didn’t want to, but it had to be done. Your PE teacher thought it would be nice to combine local culture with health and fitness.
17. Been witness to the marvels in the Mall
Those dearly beloved ‘Mallrats’, what would we be without them?
18. You got around Darren Lyons at Homehouse at least once
Are you really from Geelong if you haven’t seen the nightclub owner/former Mayor of Geelong at HH on a Saturday night?
19. You stopped by KFC’s late night CBD store
Again, RIP. There was nothing better than picking up a Zinger after a night out, aside from all the trouble that came with it.
20. Arguing with visitors why it’s ‘Parmi’ not ‘Parma’
And feeling disgusted whenever a Geelong venue has ‘Parma’ on the menu.
21. Attended a party at Rollerway
A rollerblading disco party with all your closest friends. At least one person went home with a broken or fractured arm, but it was still the best way to celebrate turning 12. Extra points if you’ve been there on a date.
22. Went for a Kmart trip at midnight
You might only head to Kmart for one thing, but we all know that once you’ve entered heaven on Earth, you’ll come out with more than you went in for.
23. Battled it out in Lazertag at Timezone
Birthday parties at Timezone were a must, you were practically shunned if you didn’t invite your friends to laser tag.
24. Skipped pres and indulged in $2 vodkas at Room 99
That Ethanol went down a treat…
25. The Bluelight Disco was your gateway to clubbing
What was a little bit more of a PG party than teachers expected, the Bluelight Disco was an eye-opener to the late-night antics of adults… and the embarrassment of public break-ups.
26. “Do you have a dollar for the bus?”
There are some things in life that are guaranteed. Being asked this at the Moorabool St bus stop is one of them.
27. You’ve jumped off the tower at Eastern Beach.
It took a lot of bravery the first time you did it, and many a bikini top has been lost on impact to the water.
If you’ve done all those, suss out our piece on 30 things we’ve all done on a night out in Geelong.
Turn your inbox up to 11. Sign up to Forte’s newsletter and you’ll be served fresh music, arts, food, booze and culture stories twice a week.
Written by Molly Slater
Feature image by Ash Hughes.